These are my thoughts, stories, passions.
And this. Well this is my testimony. Not very short, but very sweet.
During my life as a college kid, I had a come to Jesus meeting... with Jesus.
Let's just jump in...
In high school
I never tried hardcore drugs.
I smoked a couple of cigs with hooligan friends, which I thought were terrible.
Drank a couple of beers, again, terrible.
Never really went down that road.
I never went down the boy road either, Jesus kept me in a bubble throughout high school, thank God.
I guess before really knowing the Lord, I dealt with tremendous amounts of self-hatred.
I hated, hated, hated being tall... I felt like I was cursed, and really ugly.
Hated my voice.
Hated my name.
Hated the way I looked.
Hated my skin.
Hated the color of my eyes.
Hated my nose.
Hated my body.
I was just plain hateful to myself, yall.
And the saddest thing is that I believed that crap.
I believed that I was disgusting.
That because I was tall, I was therefore ugly... I can't even tell you how many time the ugly demon has attacked me.
I believed no guy would ever be interested in me because I was tall.
I truly believed that I was the most horrifying creature on the face of the earth.
In a way, I distanced myself from others.
I thought it was unfair, I didn't want this body.
I wanted to be 5'7 daggumit... then I'd be happy!
I was so insecure.
SO hurt.
I was a little girl, chained, and shackled by lies.
But the Lord had great plans for me, He always did.
So....
I grew up in the bible belt going to church every Sunday, I grew up "knowing" that Jesus died for us. I grew up "knowing" that Jesus was a really, really good person. I knew he was why we celebrated Easter and Christmas and I knew stories of the bible and yada yada yada.
In fact, I knew "ALL" about Jesus, but ya'll... I didn't know that man at all.
It wasn't until my 1st year of college that I started to become increasingly curious about the Man with the Lamb.
I had always believed in Heaven and God and Jesus and Angels.
It made sense to believe it. I mean... why not? It was what I was raised to do.
But in a way, Jesus could have very well been the Easter Bunny, and I wouldn't have known the difference.
I had made a new friend my 1st year(well we went to elementary and high school together but didn't start hanging out until college), and every Thursday night we would go and eat at Moe's and talk about the Lord.
Those were some of the best heart to hearts that I have ever had. It was the first time I had experienced God within friendship.
Looking back there was so much honor and love for one another. And during our convos , it was like someone was speaking through her to me. I experienced an overflow of wisdom and revelation during those months. I looked forward to Thursday nights.
I wanted more.
I wanted to be around people more like her. Believers. Spirit Filled.
I lived in my hometown for 2 years after I graduated high school to attend community college. And for those 2 years, It was like I was in disconnect mode.
And not only that, but something was just.... missing.
I was going to a new church with my parents. And I loved church. Loved the pastor. Loved the message. Worship was cool... I mean they had a band, a guitar, some cool hand drums.
People raised their hands. I dug it.
BUT I was too old for youth group. Too young for singles. Gah, I was right slap in the middle. And not to mention our church was mostly made up of above-30 adults and there was about 900 members, it was somewhat intimidating.
I didn't make any friends there either, unless it was friends of my parents.
Super long story short... My Thursday night Moe's friend moved to Auburn and was going to Campus Church and said I should come up to Auburn and go to something called "House Church".
Fast Forward.
I went to a house church, met the pastor and his wife, met new people and friends were made, found out about spring retreat, registered for spring retreat.
Spring Retreat
It's been almost 4 years since my 1st spring retreat. And It was by far the very best.
I was 20 and new new new. New to everything.
It was the first time I had ever heard anyone speak "in tongues"... I thought the guy standing behind me was talkin Jamaican
It was the first time I had ever experienced worship in my heart, and I was in awe.
It was the 1st time anyone had intimately prayed for me.
It was the 1st time I had experienced the prophetic.
It was really the 1st time I had prayed for people, like out loud, and from the heart, I couldn't believe myself!
It was the 1st time I think that I really met with the Holy Spirit.
1st time in a FIRE TUNNEL!!!
Almost Overnight
I was a new creation
And I felt so, so SO INCREDIBLE
I remember going to bed in my sweet little bottom bunk.
And I kept asking the Lord why why why? Why do you care for me this way?
I couldn't believe how much He loved me. I couldn't believe this was real.
I couldn't believe my heart could go to the places that it went with Him.
Ya'll, I met my husband that night.
And I was in love.
My heart was overflowing with pure, genuine, heavenly love...
The love of my husband and my father...
I was overcome.
I experienced a peace so real I felt like I could hold it in my hands.
There was warmth that beamed from beneath my rib cage.
I remember getting up early to walk on the beach the morning after the fire tunnel, and it was freezing outside, but as I started that trek down the sandy dunes, I wasn't cold at all.
The warmth in my chest extended to my limbs.
And as I walked that beach, the joy and peace and warmth of the Lord covered me. Completely
I had found what I had been searching for, what my heart had yearned for.
I had no idea, but the Lord was about to give me a makeover from Heaven.
Since that retreat, I have not stopped growing.
I never will.
The Father is by side. Every second.
He is with me through every trial.
Every victory.
Every sadness.
Every disappointment.
Every laugh.
Every. Single. Tear.
Even when I'm using the bathroom. He's there. (I like to thank him for healthy kidney and bladder function!)
3 months after the retreat, I moved to Auburn!
And the Lord has placed me with some amazing people.
I still go to Campus Church, and I love it.
I have really, really, really awesome people in my life.
I'm in an incredible community of people and together we are continually living for the Lord.
I have never experienced friendships and relationships the way I have in the past 3 years.
Psalms 139 is one of my favorites and in verse 18 it says that the Lord's thoughts for us OUTNUMBER THE SAND
So I came to this realization that the Lord is thinking of me... always, and His thoughts for me are kind, and loving, and everything that he says is true.
My daddy complements me.
I am beautiful.
My height. Beautiful.
My brown eyes... He made them, they are lovely.
He really likes my smiles.
When I laugh.
He loves to hear me talk.
He loves my sense of humor.
He loves to hear me sing.
He really likes my face, a lot... I feel him zoom in on me sometimes.
He would never "butter me up"
In fact... God can't lie.
So all those sweet things that he thinks and tells me are true true TRUE!
Ya'll, He is the most faithful, most pursuant, most gentlemanly, and sweetest Father.
He could and does love me more in just one moment, than any person could in an entire lifetime.
My life is His.
My heart. His.
His. His. His.
Everything. His.
I belong to Him forever and eternity. And I couldn't be happier!
I will never go back.
"I know where I came from
I know where I'm going
My Father, He is God
And my Maker, He is my Husband
Eternity is my home
His name is written on my forehead
And my name is written on the palm of His hand.
He is mine, and I am His, He is mine, and I am His."
- Only a Shadow. Misty Edwards.
