Older and Wiser and Evolved

 It's 2025, I am 37 (holy shit),  and the world is very different than when I first introduced my blog.

In fact, blogs aren't as popular as they once were. Now humans constantly scroll their phones to max consumption. Written word has turned to series of unending videos on platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook because it still exist. 

Recipes, Get ready with me, cook with me, day in my life, watch me unbox, eat with me, me me me me watch me consume, look at me me me me. Get more views. Get more  followers, get more money. I won't lie, I tried to become a content creator. Making a few videos, but no one seems to think I am funny as I do. 

Although blogs are not extinct, they are not as popular due to a few things. Mainly, that society's attention span as whole is fucked. 2ndly, people do not like to read. Anything you can think of is has a video attached, at least for most normal and legal things. Hell, I learned how to blanket stitch from a TikTok video. 

I digress. History seems to repeat itself, so I have a sneaking suspicion that blogs will make a comeback after social media dies. Things like celebrities and mass influencers with lots of money are not relevant, and people are catching on. People just want to relate to other normal people who live in the same class---- which is mostly middle----andwho  have the same amount of dollars. Which currently, in this nightmare economy, things are extremely expensive. And with an idiot president, I have never felt so embarrassed to be from the US. It's truly maddening, but I am not going into that here, at least not now. I never thought I would be so opinionated on politics, but here I am, and I am proud.

I went back and forth on whether to keep my old posts. I was such a different person as a young adult. So elite with my opinions of religion. So bamboozled by a culture. I have decided that is a past life that I do want to remember, because without those experiences, I wouldn't be me today.

As for my current life- well- it's not the blueprint I had dreamed up, but I am here, I am looking at life through a different lens. 

Cheers friends

Reflections of 27

1. Flew to the west coast for the very 1st time
2. Saw a mountain in real life for the 1st time
3. Flew 1st class 1st time, because you know, bucket list
4. Visited Seattle and Portland, also a 1st
5. Almost hit a kitten on my way home one evening, took him home, then tried to give him away, he’s now the apple of my eye and my right hand -> Solomon 
6. Befriended my favorite golden doodle -> Tucker
7. Was fired from my job, something that I still consider unjust, but those guys are assholes, so BYE Felicia 
8. Went to a Weeknd Concert… so dope
9. Food Poisoning after Christmas… Dear LORD
10. Got my 1st sinus infection after New Years, and was sick for 2 weeks, thought I was dying
11. Went without a full time job for 6 months
12. Applied to like 70 or 80 jobs… OMG
13. Went to Disney World for the 1st time!!! I love my Disney World friends 
14. Worked at a daycare for 3 weeks, I have the highest respect for childcare workers now
15. Made a choice to move cross country with no job, scariest thing I’ve done thus far in life
16. Made a cross country trip in 3 days from Alabama to Washington with my crazy brother and drugged out cat… never again
17. Lived with friends for 2 months… something I would do again and again… love you H-A-D
18. Summited Steamboat Rock(that’s monumental for me, y’all) 
19. Found a really awesome job… still feeling blessed 10 months later
20. 1st time living in an apartment by myself
21. Saw the Pacific Ocean for the 1st time
22. Got the worst haircut I’ve ever had and even cried... as a 27 year old woman. Good thing hair grows out!
23. Became a dedicated Drake fan… a man that raps about his mama is the man for me… also #babydaddy
24. Got to see a marijuana farm, it smelled amazing… as  you can guess, also a 1st

girls and cars

Reader, can you hear it?

My pulse?                Of course you can't...

I can hear it though, and feel it, as it beats sorrowfully through the arteries of my neck and heart. The thump thump thump heavy thump and the heartache of life set in my bones

During life's mishaps, I forget to be grateful. I often focus on the unfair part. I'd like to change that.

Today, my beloved X'terra of 10 years started spewing transmission fluid. What the fuuuuuh...
To say the least, the repair is worth thousands $$$$$$$

In about 5 months time, I have repaired so many things on this car. I wanted her to keep running smoothly for a few more years. I honestly can't deal anymore. It hurts. There's a lot of emotion connected with this car. She saw me the last day of high school, the first day of college, the last day of college, my trip to the west coast. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH!

Ugh and I was just telling this guy the other night about how she was aging gracefully.
To say the least, I am ready to have a car where I don't have to worry so much.

I think I'll stop here with my X'terra, it's just too painful, but I'll hold on to the memories forever.

Buying a car is not usually a fun process. It's an another expense to add on to the mountain of debt. Unless you've got money saved up, buying a car is not that enjoyable.
And that's what I'm having to do. By myself.

The buying the car part is ok, but doing it alone makes me want to curl up in fetal position and cry. Sure, this will be a liberating experience, but let's be honest, reader, it's a sexist industry, and I am the naive, 20 something woman who needs a car quick. Damn.

And just when I think I'm really making strides on knocking out my debt. I have to take a step back. That's the part that seems so God awful. Debt debt debt debt d...e...b... t.......... it's haunting.

Like, when the hell am I going to get to visit Alaska, and The Chatsworth House in Derbyshire? At this rate, maybe 35.

I just feel very alone in this process.

I have already narrowed down assumed responses to the situation from different family members.

If I were to ask advice on what to do:

subject a. This person will think I'm trying to borrow money
subject b. This person will inform me that it wouldn't be so hard if I lived closer to home
subject c. This person always seems annoyed when I ask for their advice

I have decided to spare myself from such possible responses. I am very prideful in this way.

Reality checked in and reminded me that I have to have a car for my job. So, here's to hoping it's a positive experience.


Moving On----

I have to remind myself of what it is to live a resilient life. To have a resilient heart. And to not get so bent out of shape.

Life in the Pacific NorthWest

I definitely dropped the ball on keeping tabs on my journey.

Let me catch you up to speed.

I moved to eastern Washington back in April 2016. I lived with some awesome college friends, lovingly coined the "Yakima Crew". I had SO much fun living with them for a few months!

I landed a job in Vancouver, Washington (15 mins from Portland, OR) in June 2016.

I am currently a care coordinator at a triple A, and I LOVE MY JOB! (basically I'm a social worker)

I have been working at this organization for the past 10 months, and I don't have enough good things to say, honestly. No, my job isn't perfect, but I work with an amazing, supportive team, and I love what I do, advocating on clients' behalfs.

As an adult woman, I rented my 1st, single bedroom apartment by myself. It was so liberating, and also so hard. Financially, living solo is not savvy, and damn expensive. I did enjoy baking in my underwear, and not giving an eff if I left toothpaste in the sink.

Currently, I live with 2 nice ladies in a house. We definitely don't share decorating tastes, but rent is cheaaappp, and I can deal with it. I can also deal with sleeping on this twin xl that I purchased to accommodate my super small bedroom. I'm able to pay off debt with cheap rent, the glass is half full.

The Pacific Northwest summer of 2016 was breath taking and so beautiful. There were only 2 days where the heat got up to 100, and that was hard since my apt didn't have air conditioning, nevertheless it was still a great season

The summer days were full of sunshine, gentle breezes, views of Mt. Hood and Mt. St Helens, picking wild blackberries and plums, and minimal sweating. I loved it so much.

Winter has been different. It's been winter since about early November. It has been dark, gray, and raining. And raining. And raining. And raining. There are a few sunny days scattered here and there, and when they happen, everyone is grateful and really happy.

This is the 1st time in my whole life that I've worn jackets, boots, and scarves for such a prolonged time. 5 months. 5 MONTHS!!!

In Alabama, I am usually wearing a short sleeve t on regular basis and chacos by March, sometimes earlier. SO to say the least, I am beyond ready for Summer.

I have never wished for the summer season as I wish for it now. Summers here are so pleasant and welcomed. In Alabama we hunker down and try not to die from heat exhaustion.

I will say that I have suffered from a touch of seasonal depression, and it's been hard some days. Really hard. I just keep taking vitamin d supplements, lighting candles, and turning on my salt lamp.

Forecast set for tomorrow. No rain and cloudy with sunshine.  I'll take it.

a lot has changed pt 1

WHERE do I even start???

Alright. So I decided to move to the Pacific Northwest to discover what life has to offer.

Let's get back to that in a minute.

So I have been job searching since January... a tedious process and somewhat depressing since NO ONE was calling me back.

Fortunately my amazing friends that I met on care.com (LOL) set me up a few gigs to walk and keep their dog, and I was also able to dog/house-sit for another family.

That, along with my Poshmark sales was able to sustain my spending on nice shampoo and Zaxby's.

Somewhere between everything... I decided that I needed to move... I wasn't having any luck with the job search and decided that I needed to physically get out there. Fortunately, I have amazing friends who said I could stay with them while I job searched. So I had it set up that I would move the last week of April. My older brother also decided that he was definitely coming on the road trip.

My brother contacted me the end of March about working at the daycare where my niece and nephew attend school (fortunately, he and my sister-in-law are BFF with the daycare director). SO I picked up work for about 3 weeks and... it.was.hard. I have a new found respect for daycare workers. Picking up babies, changing their diapers, feeding them, changing them, rocking them to sleep, entertaining them, keeping them alive..... is very very hard. I was sore and tired... and maybe don't want kids for a few more years. Phew! But I picked up a little extra cash and that was super nice.

It was also great to get out of Dothan and have some new scenery as well as hang out with my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew.... especially the littles bc they are so darn cute and call me "aunt yace" UGH heart-melt.

By the end of my daycare assignment, it was mid-April, I went home and started packing and trying to visit with family as well as job search (I had been job searching the whole time... sometimes I would take a few days off.... but I applied to at least 3 or more jobs a week, and sometimes 5 a day). So that was most of life for Spring.

To be continued...

pictures of the past

tonight, I discovered that all of my phone pics were automatically being backed up to my computer.

I guess that's iCloud? I have no idea. I am not even sure what iCloud is except that it is a major pain in my ass when asking me to re-download my music and deleting my many, many precious songs from my phone. F you, iCloud. I DON'T NEED YOU.

I discovered all these pics that I hadn't seen in months (because I'm constantly having to delete pics from my phone because of storage issues... get me the 64g stat)

I was overcome with so much emotion. I had taken several of these pictures during work conferences, or just to see what I looked like before going in to work. So there I was. There were my coworkers... captured in time.

Little did I know it would end so abruptly.

I swear you guys... I feel as though I am going through a break up.

It doesn't hurt to drive past the building... okay, it hurts a little. But to see past pictures of myself when I was so happy and felt so accomplished.

It hurts.

I'm even listening to this super "break-upy" song as I write this.

Well. Maybe it was time to break up, and since I didn't have a human to do it with, it had to be this job.

How to Write a KILLER Resume... and other randomness

Haha! Just kidding! I have no idea. Like at all.

In fact, I had a free resume checker criticize my resume stating all kinds of things. For a whole day, I kind of believed them UNTIL, they told me I should definitely be using word docs instead of PDF.

Um, WRONG. Almost every job I have applied for has asked for mostly PDF docs and only a few requested "word"... so screw those sabotaging suggestions, including the ones stating that I used "too many action phrases" Um what do you think I'm doing??? I'm WORKING. I'm in ACTION!

All I can say is list what you did, what you accomplished, and maybe throw in some results... no, definitely throw in some results.

And here is my question... why oh why do we need cover letters?  I have a friend who is a recruiter for a large bank and she told me "I always skip applicants that send cover letters."
Excuse me, WHAT. You do WHAT???
She then explained to me that resumes are adequate and cover letters are a waste of time. I mean I couldn't agree with her more because Cover Letters are my personal nightmare. I HATE them. Oy, it takes me a solid hour to write a decent cover letter.

But yea now I have this new approach on cover letters. And of course, plenty of companies still require them, but I like knowing that a lot of bigger companies don't make them a priority.

And also, like what is the happy medium of applying to jobs? 10 a day? 15? All I know is I wish it were easier. Like couldn't I get an interview same day and you just let me know if I'm what you want?

And while I'm on this random roller coaster, I have come to the conclusion that I am software, graphic design guru trapped in the body of a liberal arts girl. I would LOVE to work at Buzzed, Facebook, Urban Airship, or one of these cool businesses. Unfortunately they are in very low demand for people with psychology degrees.

And also, if this was a misleading post, I am so sorry, but no, I'm not sorry!

Listen, don't take yourself too seriously, and understand that maybe you won't get that killer job, and maybe your computer crashed and you didn't back up your hard drive (so all those precious cover letter templates, and revised resumes are now in doc heaven). And maybe you gained 10 pounds because job searching is stressful and you now have butt acne. OH WELL!

It will be alright. YOU will be ok. You live and you learn.

And sometimes you just learn and learn and learn some more.

2016 -->semi-sweet

Well crap.

It's 2016 and I find myself in the same situation I was in a year ago. Living at home, jobless, and of course there is not one boy here, or there, or anywhere seems like.

New Years Eve was different. It was the 1st time in 6 years or so that I had spent New Years Eve alone, but it wasn't sad! Just different.

I visited my brother and his family New Years day and the weekend. It was super nice to get away... and have a breath of fresh air and hang out with some fun kiddos.

I stopped in Auburn for a few days to hangout with some of my dearest friends (who are conveniently in the same/almost same boat as I am).

It's always good to see them and review our life status and we talk through the pain of job applications and the unfortunate task of writing cover letter after cover letter. We see each other on a monthly basis, and it's perfect.

On my way home I got a sore throat... that turned into a cough... that turned into congestion. All 3 raged for 4 days straight. After a bottle of cough syrup, half a bottle of mucinex, 20 advil... or something like that, and an entire box of sudafed... I had not recovered, but had worsened... I had loss my voice and my appetite, and I was sure that death was near.
And because of my recent job loss, I was fresh out of health insurance. So I cried, and was sure I would have to pay a $1,000 to see a Doctor..... but did not want to die at 27.
So I called around, with hardly no voice at all.

Turns out some of those little walk in clinics give you 20% of if you pay in full, and turns out there are really nice doctors who prescribe free scripts. So after a diagnosis of a dreadful sinus infection, my very 1st one too, I only paid $80 for everything and went home to recover for 2 days.

2 sicknesses in 2 weeks. I think my immune system is suffering from stress... or at least that's what webmd tells me. I am NEVER sick. Never, never, never.

SO now I have pretty much recovered, only with the slightest cough.

My days thus far are spent applying to job after job and hoping that somewhere, I will have favor.

I am broke, and my sanity is tested on a daily basis, but... I never want to be desperate. I hate that feeling... you know, desperation paired with hopelessness? Oh, you don't? Well, I would not recommend.

After searching and applying to 20+ jobs, I had that sinking feeling of "if you're going to be successful, then you're going to need to be a software engineer, or something close in proximity"... which led to "if I go back to school, it's going to cost a billion dollars" which snow-balled into "I am going to be trapped in this town forever because I can't get a job, because my degree sucks, and why didn't I go to school and get a better degree, and why am I single, and WHY IS EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE SUCKING"... yea a little dramatic. Desperation.

Everyone has their brick walls, failures, disappointments, and regrets, but I just hope to do a better job living despite these.

and YES I did take a picture of my night stand through that hellish week. For documentation purposes of course, but I hardly ever take these kinds of meds, and I am sure after all things ingested pre doctor appointment... the steroids and antibiotics were a piece of cake for my system.

another sad christmas

Listen, this is not the Diaries of the Girl who got everything she wanted. So things are real. And disappointing. And sad. And ANNOYING. And disheartening. And funny. And sometimes happy. So read on if you can deal with the real.

I'm not sure what has happened, but I have become the scrooge of Christmas.

I HATE Christmas. Like, there wasn't even the tiniest drop of joy in my heart this year. Or the year before.

It might've been that I was fired from my job 3 weeks ago, or that it was 80 DEGREES outside, or that every Christmas I am a year older and I still have no significant other.

Anyways, maybe I'll find that joy and happiness during this time of year again, one day.

I want to say this in hopes that it won't hurt my family... if they ever read this.
Lets do Christmas differently.
I know we aren't wealthy and can't do a cruise or even a trip to the mountains, but lets go to the beach and shoot fireworks, or lets donate time to a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve/Day.
Lets do away with what we've been doing for so long!

Honestly I hope to do Christmas differently next year. I have always wanted to do a Friends-mas!
Or just be somewhere where it's snowing, or at least cold!

I know Christmas is not about getting gifts, but gift getting/giving is one of my love languages.
Which brings me to this.

This year, I met an awesome couple and walk their dog-child occasionally.
SO I have been walking/sitting their dog-child for about 6 months. We became friends over that time and I LOVE them!! They invite me over for dinner all the time and spoil me with free booze and yada yada... here's where I'm going.... they gave me a Christmas present... and you guys... it was the sweetest thing. As we were sitting and chatting before dinner, I was handed a sparkly pink and orange box with a festive bow.
Upon removing the bow, I see the print "COACH"... what the... I think I said something like "I hope this is from little China in New York". I opened the box and was greeted with a card and a sparkly, black, COACH wristlet. I wanted to cry. I had never been given something like this before. My mom has gifted several nice items over the years(including a car, some college, she's spent a ton of money on me), but she is terrible with surprises/doesn't know what to pick for me, so long story short... this was the 1st time I had ever received a really nice surprise gift that I adored.

That doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful for any past presents from ANYONE!!!

I just have never received a gift like that(something that I really really like, and a surprise too). It's just a really sweet feeling of being appreciated, and to say the least, I love that bleeping wristlet.

Christmas of 2016, here's to looking forward to you. AND A COLDER CLIMATE

P.S. I forgot to mention that I came down with a 24hr stomach virus the day after Christmas. So I'll spare the details of vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, headaches and just tell you it was HELL.

I Was Fired

Yep.

You read that correctly.... Fired.

Terminated, Let go, Laid off, Discharged, Dismissed

All of the above.

I have NEVER been fired. Never.

This happened approximately 3 weeks and 2 days ago. Right after I returned from Thanksgiving holiday, I was supposed to have my "6 month review" and they FIRED me. Without warning. For "unsatisfactory" job reasonings... some of the reasons were that "I did not ask enough questions".
Um, excuse me? I feel like if I had asked questions, I still would have been fired and the reason would have been "You're asking so many questions and we do not think you comprehend the job at hand>"

It's taken time to get my thoughts together and organized to comprehend the whole situation.

Here's what I know.

Alabama is an "At Will" state.
They can fire you anytime for anything.

I was not given fair warning.

The lead supervisor TOOK A PERSONAL CALL DURING MY TERMINATION.

I was not given proper instruction on Retirement, Insurance, Etc.

I was walked to my desk to gather my things then I was walked to my car... like a criminal.

Here's what I feel.

I was on someone's shit list.
Probably because I voiced on several occasions that I hadn't been trained properly.

I was ganged up on by supervisors and plotted against to make a case.

My lead supervisor and her replacement are TWO FACED HOES.

If I were an African American woman, this might not have happened.

Here's where I'm headed.

I'm 27 years old, and I'm only 4 years out of school. It's been somewhat of a rocky journey, and so far this was the best job(financially) that I had ever had.
So, losing that was rough.
I am thinking it is time for a lot of change.
I a dreaming up some things I would have never done in the past.
I am trying, trying not to feel super rejected.".

It's been hard though. Especially since I was working so hard at this job, and then they say "I'm unsatisfactory". I feel like that was something they had to say in order to make a case, but still.. I was actually doing my job.

Even though I have been quite with how I feel, and I am not super boisterous about this truth... I know that the Lord has plans for me. I am holding onto that.

Even though it's only a quite whisper in my heart, I still believe it.

Even though there have been days I have felt hopeless and there have even been days that I busted out crying while watching the Kardashians because they have no financial worries...(stupid, I know)... I'm still trying to believe it.

SO with all of that,  I'm hoping for great things for the future and crossing my fingers for a good job and a good community and a good city.