last month of my 26th year

In about a month, I will be turning 27. 27?!?!!!! 

What on earth, where and what is time? It is fleeting fast and slipping through my hands.
My goodness.
I am thankful though, I am thankful because 26... is one for the shit books for sure.

26, you were hard on my heart, and I felt as if I was going through some horrendous break up on top of losing my mind. You taught me several things with that pain though, or at least the Holy Spirit did, but still, you hurt, a whole heck of a lot.

I am not yet done with 26 yet though... and I have to say that I have been experiencing some redemption this week. Gosh this past week has been so great.


Guys!!(if there are really any of you out there) I present to you... GOOD NEWS. I'm sure past posts have caused you worry of deep depression & potential suicide, but really, I'm fine. I'm coming out of the black hole.

This past week has been so good.
My health insurance started up this month(after 10 months of not having any)... THANK GOD... and I got to see a Dr. for my PCOS... oh I don't think I've mentioned that I have been dealing with PCOS for about 7 years. The side effects are truly monsters, but you take it day by day and try not to get bent out of shape.

I started taking some medicine for this condition, and along with exercise... and in only week and a half, I have been feeling a TON better... oh and I started going to a gym about a week and a half ago and am trying to do cardio 3 times a week, in fact, I'm about to go in the next 30 minutes.

I wouldn't say that I love gyms, but I do love that I only pay $10 monthly and I am really enjoying how good I have been feeling. AKA I have been operating like a normal human.

THEN, I have been getting my face blessed off.

I haven't been to church in........ um maybe almost 3 months.

I found a great church when I moved back to Dothan, and really love their principal beliefs, teachings, etc., but unfortunately I just wasn't able to find a community that I wanted within the church.
I felt as though I needed to be married or have a boyfriend in order to be successful with connecting to some people... and sometimes that's just how it works out.
I would just like to let all married people know once more.... SINGLE PEOPLE WANT TO HANGOUT WITH YOU.
There are definitely no personal offenses towards this church.... sometimes, what you're looking for might not exist within a particular place, even if the rest is wonderful.

I wonder if I'll ever find friends like the ones I've made through Campus Church at Auburn. They are truly my heart and I love each of those humans. But I also believe that there are greater things ahead and just know there are more great friends to be made.


I did finally make it to a different church last Sunday, which was great, and I think I will definitely go back.

BUT back to the blessings. For years, I have been praying a blessings prayer model used in different churches and one of the lines in the prayer states "I believe in jobs and better jobs, raises and promotions, debts paid off, and checks in the mail"... checks in the mail was my favorite line

This week, I have received 2 checks in the mail, and one email offering a small job for some extra cash flow... and even though these checks were small, the meaning behind them is so great.
In my opinion, I have not been an upstanding citizen for the past however many months, but still, the Lord blesses me.

I'll be honest with you and say that I don't even remember the last time I have even tithed.
God surpasses my expectations each time, he inspires me to better my heart with His unfailing love.

The past few months of my 26th year has really been quite refreshing, I hope for continual surprises this month.

COMING SOON..... Trip to the PNW!

roadblocks to dreams

I went to the Grayton Beach yesterday.

Gosh, nothing makes you feel quite like being poor than venturing into a rich beach community. LandRovers, ocean front -newly built homes, and brand name everything galore. Every hand and foot was freshly polished... I mean, you name it, and it was pricy. 

Before we(me and Mom) got to the beach, we stopped at Econfina Springs on the way... a 45 minute drive from my house. I cannot believe that a natural treasure is so close to home. I plan on going back soon with a friend, swimming in the springs and boozing my way down the river, but you know.... tastefully. 

Back to the rich people, I wish I was one of them. I feel like life would be less complicated if I had more money. And maybe your definition and my definition of rich are different. I would consider myself rich if I made 60k or more a year. I think it would be nice to be able to rent... not even buy... but rent one of those beach front homes for a weekend, and it not set me back for a month, or buy a brand new fancy car. I realize happiness is not found in things, but damn, being poor is getting old.

So I decided to go back to school last Spring to pursuit School Counseling(online)... to not only become one of those rich people(kind of), but hopefully really make an impression on children and help them with trials throughout their time in school. 

I put a lot of thought into it as well as prayer. I told myself it would be a trial session. So my first 2 classes were awesome, I loved them and made good grades, but as time has gone on and circumstances have changed, I am starting to have second thoughts. My last 2 classes have not been my favorite. One of my classes was something that was not even needed for my degree but required by the school, the 2nd class has been a nightmare. The school advisor who set me up with the class did not communicate to me that the class would overlap with my last class. So basically, I missed the 1st week of class, and then I ordered the wrong book, so add all these things up plus starting a new job and you have got high stress levels. I have decided to take the next semester off and weigh my options. 

Unfortunately the phrase "you live, you learn" is so true because I did not learn that I would have to partake in a 1 year long, unpaid school counseling internship. This was probably the worst news to learn. I definitely don't want to give up on a dream, but I don't want to have more debt, or continue to live at home for the next 5 year... God, no. Did I mention I lived with my parents?

So I am hoping in the next few months to establish a group of contacts to point me in the right direction because I am sure I am not the only person who has run into this roadblock. However, I do roll my eyes whenever I think of other people who do this internship without any worry because their parents or spouse supports them financially through the process. Lucky them. 

Anyway, I will reevaluate soon... and hopefully, just hopefully, things will opt in my favor.

My dream is not to be rich... I just don't want financial worry, I guess no one does.  I would also like to live in home free of infestations complete with central heat and air, and running water.

OKAY, moving on!