another sad christmas

Listen, this is not the Diaries of the Girl who got everything she wanted. So things are real. And disappointing. And sad. And ANNOYING. And disheartening. And funny. And sometimes happy. So read on if you can deal with the real.

I'm not sure what has happened, but I have become the scrooge of Christmas.

I HATE Christmas. Like, there wasn't even the tiniest drop of joy in my heart this year. Or the year before.

It might've been that I was fired from my job 3 weeks ago, or that it was 80 DEGREES outside, or that every Christmas I am a year older and I still have no significant other.

Anyways, maybe I'll find that joy and happiness during this time of year again, one day.

I want to say this in hopes that it won't hurt my family... if they ever read this.
Lets do Christmas differently.
I know we aren't wealthy and can't do a cruise or even a trip to the mountains, but lets go to the beach and shoot fireworks, or lets donate time to a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen on Christmas Eve/Day.
Lets do away with what we've been doing for so long!

Honestly I hope to do Christmas differently next year. I have always wanted to do a Friends-mas!
Or just be somewhere where it's snowing, or at least cold!

I know Christmas is not about getting gifts, but gift getting/giving is one of my love languages.
Which brings me to this.

This year, I met an awesome couple and walk their dog-child occasionally.
SO I have been walking/sitting their dog-child for about 6 months. We became friends over that time and I LOVE them!! They invite me over for dinner all the time and spoil me with free booze and yada yada... here's where I'm going.... they gave me a Christmas present... and you guys... it was the sweetest thing. As we were sitting and chatting before dinner, I was handed a sparkly pink and orange box with a festive bow.
Upon removing the bow, I see the print "COACH"... what the... I think I said something like "I hope this is from little China in New York". I opened the box and was greeted with a card and a sparkly, black, COACH wristlet. I wanted to cry. I had never been given something like this before. My mom has gifted several nice items over the years(including a car, some college, she's spent a ton of money on me), but she is terrible with surprises/doesn't know what to pick for me, so long story short... this was the 1st time I had ever received a really nice surprise gift that I adored.

That doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful for any past presents from ANYONE!!!

I just have never received a gift like that(something that I really really like, and a surprise too). It's just a really sweet feeling of being appreciated, and to say the least, I love that bleeping wristlet.

Christmas of 2016, here's to looking forward to you. AND A COLDER CLIMATE

P.S. I forgot to mention that I came down with a 24hr stomach virus the day after Christmas. So I'll spare the details of vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, headaches and just tell you it was HELL.

I Was Fired

Yep.

You read that correctly.... Fired.

Terminated, Let go, Laid off, Discharged, Dismissed

All of the above.

I have NEVER been fired. Never.

This happened approximately 3 weeks and 2 days ago. Right after I returned from Thanksgiving holiday, I was supposed to have my "6 month review" and they FIRED me. Without warning. For "unsatisfactory" job reasonings... some of the reasons were that "I did not ask enough questions".
Um, excuse me? I feel like if I had asked questions, I still would have been fired and the reason would have been "You're asking so many questions and we do not think you comprehend the job at hand>"

It's taken time to get my thoughts together and organized to comprehend the whole situation.

Here's what I know.

Alabama is an "At Will" state.
They can fire you anytime for anything.

I was not given fair warning.

The lead supervisor TOOK A PERSONAL CALL DURING MY TERMINATION.

I was not given proper instruction on Retirement, Insurance, Etc.

I was walked to my desk to gather my things then I was walked to my car... like a criminal.

Here's what I feel.

I was on someone's shit list.
Probably because I voiced on several occasions that I hadn't been trained properly.

I was ganged up on by supervisors and plotted against to make a case.

My lead supervisor and her replacement are TWO FACED HOES.

If I were an African American woman, this might not have happened.

Here's where I'm headed.

I'm 27 years old, and I'm only 4 years out of school. It's been somewhat of a rocky journey, and so far this was the best job(financially) that I had ever had.
So, losing that was rough.
I am thinking it is time for a lot of change.
I a dreaming up some things I would have never done in the past.
I am trying, trying not to feel super rejected.".

It's been hard though. Especially since I was working so hard at this job, and then they say "I'm unsatisfactory". I feel like that was something they had to say in order to make a case, but still.. I was actually doing my job.

Even though I have been quite with how I feel, and I am not super boisterous about this truth... I know that the Lord has plans for me. I am holding onto that.

Even though it's only a quite whisper in my heart, I still believe it.

Even though there have been days I have felt hopeless and there have even been days that I busted out crying while watching the Kardashians because they have no financial worries...(stupid, I know)... I'm still trying to believe it.

SO with all of that,  I'm hoping for great things for the future and crossing my fingers for a good job and a good community and a good city.